I am not here to debate whether knowledge is a burden. Think whatever TF you want.

I have said for quite some time that knowledge and knowing too much is a burden. Let me explain by using the example of The Matrix. Neo (Keanu Reeves) is given a choice to stay the same or be awaken and re-birthed into the real world. He chooses to be awaken. In my opinion, it is NOT better and it is definitely uglier. Sure, he learns a lot and gets to wear cool clothes but is his life better? No. It’s harder.

If you read the Bible at all you can find this very idea written plain as day. Ecclesiastes 1:18 states, “For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief,”. You can believe the Bible or not, that’s your choice but *gestures broadly*…….

I am not saying I am some enlightened hippie being or I’m divinely inspired 🙄 GAG. ME. I couldn’t be farther from that. What I am saying, is that for people who have brains like mine, who seek to understand, who seek answers, who will not rest until we have the answers we need…. It creates a mental environment of a constant influx of copious amounts of information “downloaded” into our brains.

My brain grabs onto what it wants to know and understand and it will not rest until we have an understanding of said topic and it does not take a long time. Hence the Matrix download reference.

A note to people who are oblivious: I am jealous. I am jealous that your brains don’t seek to find out the answers to everything. I am jealous of the fact that you are blissfully unaware of seemingly everything that matters. Dare I say, almost resentful.

I have found that knowledge isn’t only a burden but it ages you, as grief does and would. I am many years older than the 43 years on this Earth. This is not by choice. It is both trauma and neurotype that is to blame. A blustery mix of genetics, horrible events and a neurodivergent mind. Some say it’s a gift, I consider it a curse. I am neither stupid nor a genius. I am unremarkable in most ways, in fact, average at best. However, if you could be inside my brain, you’d want a helmet. 🪖

The past 6 years have been fast, full of pain, too much awareness, detachment and loneliness. Loneliness that I have chosen and I don’t have regrets in that. Of all the choices I’ve made in the past 6 years, detaching from many of the folks around me was the single best thing I could have done, despite how shitty it was. So, I guess, if all of this knowing was to simply get me to detach from people, I guess that’s good. It is the one thing I would not take back- even if the universe offered to give me an oblivious brain.

Anyway, bye ✌🏽