Over the past four and half years or so, I have gone through somewhat of a transformation. Much like many of us who endured Covid, we’ve changed. For better or worse… you get to choose and for many there is a mixed bag there. For me, I have gone through hell, fire and high water and back. I’ve put in A LOT of work mentally and physically. Though those that know me, know how hard I’ve worked physically, what many don’t know is the mental journey I have been on in the past 4+ years. more on this in another post.

I have gone through several therapist. All have served a purpose and have helped propel me to where I am now. Some great, some not so great but all have pushed me towards answers for myself. They’ve pushed me towards a deeper understanding.

One thing that I think has helped more than any therapist has is the power of self empowerment. The power to move forward and gain knowledge and not wait for a therapist to prompt you, question you or diagnose you. You have the ability to research, look for answers yourself and come to your own self, if you choose to. Many people don’t choose to do this because, well, it takes A LOT of effort on one’s self. You have to WANT to embark on self discovery, find answers and keep searching until something resonates with your soul. It’s painful, it’s lonely but it’s WORTH IT.

Most recently, with my current therapist, who is absolutely Gods gift to my life, has brought into my consciousness, the consideration that I have collected, over time, a lot of Knick knack people. Be it friends, acquaintances and yes, even family.

Let me explain….over time, especially those of us with a leaning toward people pleasing, have a tendency to keep people in our lives that offer us nothing but non-reciprocity in relationships or bread crumbs at best. You know the ones- the ones that always tell you about their things and you converse about it and let them vent or you trouble shoot with them BUT when it comes to you needing the same, they’re nowhere to be found or you get the “oh, sorry to hear that” or the “oh that sucks” or the “oh no” with zero follow up (and they say us autistic ones are the ones with communication issues…. Idk, some of you neurotypical are challenged). It’s almost as if somehow they lost the ability to have a full on conversation. Trust me, they haven’t, it’s just not about them so they have zero interest in the conversation. Or the “I didn’t know what to say” but you had no problem talking about your own issues….. hmmm 🧐 Yep. For some reason we ALLOW this type of interaction over and over again. There are many reasons why someone may continue to allow this to be. One, being you’re afraid to lose people. A common issue with people pleasers is we are so afraid to lose people that we hold on to even the ones that offer little to nothing. Bread crumbs if you will. These are the Knick knacks. You know, just like in your grandmas house…. They’re everywhere, there is no space for anything else. No place to set your drink, purse, book. Nothing. So, what do we do? We clear the Knick knacks. Throw out that which offers no value, is taking up space and collecting dust and make room for that which we really want in life. Like people who are reciprocal OR nothing at all. Sometimes, we need nothing so that we can repair who WE ARE. Sometimes nothing clears the air. Allows us to stop being overstimulated by other peoples lives and focus on our own and be present for that AND to stop being co-dependent (big yikes). Being present for the relationships we do feel nurtured in. Not immersed in someone else’s life and drama. Not always being a giver but also a taker. Because…. PLOT TWIST- we deserve to take sometimes, too. I know… the people pleaser in you is cringing and already “feels bad” for having needs too, huh? Yeah, we’ll push through it. You deserve care, love and someone to be interested in your needs as well. Anyone who makes you feel like you don’t deserve that deserves the Knick knack bin 🗑️!!!! AND STAT! ⏰

So, in this season of life, I am calling it Knick knack removal. I have no beef, no hate but I’m removing A LOT of Knick knacks. I don’t care how long we’ve known each other. I don’t care if it hurts your feelings. I think that it’s ok to out grow people and it’s even more ok to move on.